Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Matthew's Terrible Twos

I think I've mentioned several times what an incredibly easy two year old Matthew is. Ayden's twos were far harder than Matthew's (for me), as there were more tantrums, shouts and yells, negotiations, and defiances in Ayden's twos. Matthew was more easy going, malleable, accepting of direction, and convinceable. However, this kind of worried me a bit. Aren't toddlers SUPPOSED to go through a richly autonomous and emotionally difficult year or so? Is it a side effect of Matthew's adoption? How can I blame myself for this? (joking~sorta). Then, about five weeks ago I asked Matthew to do something and he looked me full in the face from three feet away, scrunched up his face, and screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I was so taken aback that I laughed long and hard! Then about a week later I took something away from him (something sharp, I think), and he had one of those stomp your feet, flail your arms, shake your head, and scream type of tantrums, which again made me laugh, though this time into my hand and a little more subtle. Another week of 'normal' Matthew went by, and then three weeks ago Terrible Two Matthew arrived in full force. Hooray! Why hooray, you say? Because that richly autonomous and emotionally difficult time is normal and necessary and I was secretly worried about him at a low level of worry, in case he needed to go through the terrible twos and wasn't going to. Also hooray because a year ago, I was at a point with Matthew where I got very caught up in his negative emotions; the world would disappear and all that existed for me was his angry little face telling me I'd failed as an adoptive mom because he was unhappy and I couldn't fix it. Now, I'm comfortable and we're bonded, and I have gained perspective so I see the whole situation and not just his face. Now, I think his drama is funny, and I can emphathize with his very real and very sweet emotion, because I no longer feel like a failure.

2 comments:

Roboseyo said...

Glad to hear that's where you're at; I, on the other hand, still can't shake this deep shame that I am an utter failure as a babysitter. . .

Dana said...

What an awesome perspective. Though you realize that you might be the only mom out there who actually appreciates and enjoys the terrible twos ;)