Saturday, October 20, 2007

A Girl's Gotta Have Boots

For four nights in a row, I have not gotten enough sleep. The first night I was working, so I expected not to get much sleep on account of those darn sick people. The next night, Wednesday, I had trouble falling asleep, and tossed and turned until about 2 a.m. The boys got me up at 7. The next night I thought, Ah! This will be a deep sleep, but lo and behold, I saw 2 a.m. roll around again before I could settle down to sleep. Then last night I thought, Ah! THIS will be a deep sleep, but *f* me if I didn't see 4 a.m. blaring on my clock before I drifted off to sleep, and right at 7: "Morning mommy!!!"

I don't know what is wrong with me. Remember my long ago post regarding Tao? We're supposed to walk the path life gives us with grace? There was no grace in my step today, I tell ya. I disliked those boys from the moment I opened my eyes at darned 7 a.m. this morning, and I had no backup, my spouse being seriously AWOL. Oh, I wanted to cry.
I managed to roll out of bed and make them breakfast (after they had gotten into the cookies!!) which they quite liked for once, and which I was impressed with myself for as it required mixing and pouring and measuring and BAKING for heaven's sake!! I made Amish oatmeal which is oatmeal, cinnamon, eggs, nutmeg, milk, vanilla, & etc mixed together and baked into a loaf, with organic yogurt and frozen blueberries on top (anyone who wants the recipe, just ask! I'll post it here if you want!) SERIOUSLY yummy!. Then I needed a shower.
The house is an obstacle course at this point. When I don't have time, I don't pick up the toys. When I have time, I don't pick up the toys. I'd rather play with the kids than clean up after them, so I usually do. But it gets to me after a few days of tripping and kicking and slipping on random small, semi invisible toys with pointy bits that dig into the heels. Or trying to sweep AROUND them rather than pick them up and sweep. Ha ha. Also, I'm so tired I feel like I'm running underwater. Also, the boys are bored and have cabin fever, but it is raining and I don't have the energy for creative energy burning solutions! Also, it's 11:00 a.m. and I already am too tired to fathom making dinner.
After my shower, I was blow drying my hair when Matthew attempted to stand and pee, rather than sit and pee, but him being too short to actually reach the rim of the toilet and opting NOT to use the stool, he pissed all over my floor. I pretty much lost my temper! I have control issues regarding piss on my floor, I fully admit to this. Not only am I yelling at him WHILE he is streaming piss down the outside of the bowl onto my floor, but because I'm yelling he's getting upset and now he's turning left and right, shuffling his feet while he panics, and is dribbling bright yellow pee in arcs all over the floor, cupboards, and my foot.

I left the room and called my in-laws to see if the boys could go to their house so I could have a break!
Insert HOWLING here (painful, not humorous), for I am the world's worst mother because I cannot handle a weekend at home with my sweet boys who spend too much time in other people's houses at the moment, and I can't help hearing the refrain "Other mothers do it better" thumping in my head over and over.
I feel a very strong urge to bite something.

I think I'm too hard on myself.

So my in-laws rescued me within 2 hours, and with some cajoling the boys climbed into their truck and off they went for a Saturday evening of fun in grandma and grandpa's house, complete with hot tub, doggy, and junk food. I breathed a big sigh of relief and then burst into tears.
I'm not even halfway through this single parent thing yet! 10 weeks down, 14 more to go.

To make myself feel better, I went to the mall and bought myself some new boots! A girl has gotta have foxy boots! I feel a bit better. Boots are not a miracle drug, but they help a bit.
Here's a pic!

Blogger and my computer are not getting along at the moment, so I'll add the picture later!


Roboseyo said...

hang in there Mel. I'm rooting for you like you wouldn't believe!

You can do it, and you're NOT a bad mother . . . you're just the only mother who admits being stressed and overwhelmed. The others cry into their pillow, silently, instead of sharing and asking for love. That doesn't make you a bad mom, but I'm constantly touched and amazed by your honesty on this blog. Thanks for being such a vulnerable poster.

love you!


Tonya said...

Oh Melissa! I have days like that and my husband isn't gone and I don't have a job! :-) I am cracking up at your description of Matthew peeing, you yelling and pee going everywhere! I can picture this happening. I would be yelling too! :-) You are an amazing mom. Not perfect - none of us are. Keep posting. You are normal!

Dana said...

I can relate!!! Be encouraged.

Set me up with that recipe, please!