Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Piss Poor night

Not all of today was piss poor. In fact, most of the day was GOOD! We braved the sunshine and snowy fields to take Ayden to the Dr. to get his plantar's wart medicated. On our way home we stopped by the community centre for their drop in toddler/preschool time: a gymful of gymnastics equipment and ride on toys and hyper kids=2 happy boys. I was on top of things: I even had a snack and drinks in my bag for afterwards. I EVEN packed a snack for myself! We came home, made lunch, Matthew and I had naps while Ayden watched Robots, and then we went shopping and topped the evening off with supper at Red Robin's restaurant. Things didn't get piss poor until the restaurant. We were waiting for our food when suddenly Ayden, who is four and a half, wimpered, "Mommy, I peed." Good grief! There was actually a puddle on the bench seat beneath him. So, since it is only me and I have two boys, all three of us hauled off to the bathroom where I was simply at a loss for what to do. His entire butt, pants, legs, underwear, socks: everything was involved. I decided to rinse out his clothes and put them back on. He is four. I no longer bring spare pants and underwear with me everywhere I go! So I did. And, although I showed my dismay in the booth, I handled it well, considering. He giggled about wearing wet pants and we returned to our table. Literally 2 MINUTES LATER--we are talking 120 bloody seconds, TOPS--Matthew's desperately doing the pee pee dance and crying, "MOMMY ME PEE!" He wears a pullup (long story: was 100% toilet trained until Brent went away...I can't handle cloth at the moment...he is 99% toilet trained again but rather than bring extra pants everywhere, I opt to add to the landfill for now), so I wasn't worried about the puddle but I was angry that he had not thought "Oh, I have to pee" when we were in the bathroom 2 MINUTES earlier but instead opted to walk all the way back to the table and THEN announce "Oh, I have to pee."
So I yank him off his chair and march BACK to the bathroom and put him on the toilet. See, there are two problems here: #1, there are no urinals in the girls' bathrooms, and #2 Matthew's penis sticks straight forward when he sits down. So, instead of paying attention (out of habit, I reminded him, "push it down"), he got distracted and peed on me, the stall, the toilet paper dispenser, the floor, the toilet, his pants, his pullup, his shirt, and me.
I'm afraid there was some yelling. From me. With at least 2 witnesses, possibly three as I didn't check the last stall for occupants; so there is piss EVERYWHERE, I'm mad, and Matthew's crying. How does one recover from that with dignity? I was so mad, and it was so obvious I was so mad, that the other people in the bathroom couldn't even laugh, you know the way people laugh when something goes wrong with little kids and the parents are in an obvious bind and everyone laughs consprationally and sympathetically...no one could laugh. I was too mad. Like, "What are you doing? Pay attention! You're peeing on everything!!! You do this ALL the time! Pee in the toilet!!" It is true, this happens often. Not often enough for me to bring extra clothes, but often enough to be a 'thing' our family deals with. In fact, it happened THIS MORNING at the community centre, although there I dealt with it with grace and simply cleaned it up and told him "it's okay! We'll clean it up! It's okay!" That was probably where the "You do this all the time" comment came from. But, seriously, do you think one would learn that one's penis is too pointy and that one needs to PAY ATTENTION to where the stream is going if it happened this often? Seriously, people. You would also think that I would learn to get out of the line of fire. It's not the first time I've been peed on by Mr. Matthew.
{{{sigh}}}
I'm the world's worst mother and at least 3 people who were at Red Robin tonight know it.
One is supposed to be calm, neutral, and instructive with regards to toileting and young children.
I JUST DON'T LIKE TO BE PEED ON AND I DON'T LIKE TO CLEAN UP PEE IN A RESTAURANT BACK TO BACK!!!
{{{insert whining tone here}}}}
Yeah, I'm the adult.

Ayden rode home in the buff because his wet clothes were very cold.

We did actually have quite a great day up until the restaurant. Why, oh why did I choose to go out for dinner tonight? If we were at home likely no one would have pissed anywhere but the toilet, and if they did-oops, and we toss the clothes in the wash and get on with dinner.
Then I wouldn't have yelled at my baby in the bathroom.
Then I wouldn't feel so guilty.
Then I would be happy!
Oh, life.
Oh, kids.

5 comments:

Jen & Andrey said...

that would have pushed me over the edge too! i mean, a person can only take so much pee, right??

Roboseyo said...

Oh, don't beat yourself up, Mel. You're not the world's worst mother, and given everything you have on your plate, I think you're doing real well.

And hey, I get pretty crabby when I get peed on too -- it's a natural human reflex, not as well known as ones like the gag reflex or the sympathetic laugh at awkward parenting moments in public reflex or the insensitive comment to adoptive parents with kids of a different race than theirs reflex or the "hey, I don't think you noticed, but you're really tall!" reflex, but the "I get crabby when I've been peed on" reflex is DEFINITELY in the mix.

In fact, I can't think of a single time I've been peed on in a restaurant bathroom when I DIDN'T get crabby. And that INCLUDES the times I was . . .

I'll tell you about that stuff later.

Dana said...

Ditto what Jen said. Kids have the most incredible sense of timing, don't they?

Tonya said...

Oh Melissa. I can only imagine how much that stunk! I'm at the point that I hardly ever take my kids to a restaurant by myself. As a matter of fact, can't remember if I've ever taken all 4 by myself. Maybe McDonald's??? :-) You are doing a great job. My guess is that you apologized to your boys for getting upset and loved them extra last night. THAT is a good parent. Not the one who never loses their cool (is there such a parent?), but the one who loses their cool and teaches their kids how to apologize and admit they aren't perfect. Gasp. Wait, some parents aren't perfect? Oh my. That is BIG. :-)

josh said...

hey, Mel.
Great story. Ha! My guess is that since you're writing about it, you're not as mad any more. And I had a good chuckle, since Anya's due with our first on Saturday and so I imagine myself into your situation, as I've been doing with every parent/child combo I've seen for the past several months. Ah, what a fine and pleasant misery! Something to look forward to :)