Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Not for the faint of heart

Consider yourself warned! Last night I got home from work and FELL into bed, drifting off to sleep with all the lights burning and book in hand, at around 7. I woke up at 3 a.m., groggy and incredibly thirsty, so I went downstairs and got a big, 16 oz mug of my favourite grape juice. With ice. I drank it all and lay down again, feeling much refreshed and well fortified against spider nightmares. I started to get heartburn before I could fall asleep again, which made me toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position to reduce the heartburn or at least trick myself long enough to fall back asleep. About 40 minutes later I sat bolt upright in bed, KNOWING I was about to throw up. I RAN to the bathroom trying to keep my mouth clamped shut as it filled with re-grape juice because I wanted to SAVE MY BRAND NEW CARPET from a heavy dose of vomited grape stain.
As a result, the pressure build up sprayed my bathroom with a fair amount of force. It was on the mirror, the floor, all over the counter, the sink, the faucet, the front of the cupboards, the wall, ugh. I threw up for a good minute and a half, at least, until my stomach (and my duodenum, I'm sure!) was totally empty, and then I crawled back into my bed to rest. For five minutes, after which my alarm clock went off as it was time to get ready for work! Awesome.
For those of you who were worried, I missed the carpet by a quarter of an inch. Thank you JESUS.
I spent my work day trying to forget grape juice even exists, and trying not to hurl in the back of the ambulance. My partner was sympathetic (after he learned I wasn't contagious). Ayden, when I picked him up from his grandma's house, was not sympathetic but rather threw tantrum after tantrum until I finally spanked him for repeatedly getting out of the time out chair (about 25 repetitions) after which he settled down and even gave me a birthday card. For, it's my birthday. I didn't think I'd spend my 30th birthday vomiting and spanking my small child, but one can't really be picky. One deals with what one encounters.

Things I'm thankful for as I enter the first year of 'my thirties:'
-wonderful husband
-two healthy kids
-a third brewing
-my job
-my house
-painting (art, not my walls)
-good music on my ipod
-mini evolutions of self
-sunshine, sunshine, sunshine (I'll be thankful when it shines again)
-the colour red
-hugs and kisses from my boys
-new discoveries
-trips away from home
-clouds (but not together)
-an absence of a necessity to ever drink grape juice again

love you all


Roboseyo said...

sweet! thanks, mel! I woke up this morning thinking, "hey, what today REALLY needs is a projectile vomit story"

fortunately, I have a sister, a sister-in-law, two cousins, and a dear friend all expecting babies, so the odds are pretty high of me scoring such stories in an average day!

Tonya said...

Well, Happy Birthday Melissa! 30, huh. You are still so young! :-) Sorry you had such a great start to your day. Hey, at least you'll always remember your 30th birthday! I can't remember mine at all!

Dawn and Dale said...

Happy Birthday!!! Hope your 30th year is AMAZING!!!!

Lot's of love, Dawn

Ms. Dragonfly said...

Happy Birthday Oh Purple One!
You make me feel old.


Asheya said...

Happy Birthday! Isn't it great how birthdays change to become about your kids when you are a mom? You gotta love those pregnancy hormones, wreaking havoc on your body. Ah well, that's what's preventing your body from rejecting the baby as a foreign invader. I'm not fond of the first trimester.

Ed and Jenna said...

What great descriptive words. you really paint a colorful picture in my mind. You do have a gift with words.
and happy birthday. 30 - you make me feel young
heh heh heh...

Jen & Andrey said...

Happy (belated) Barfday, Mel!