Remember that guilty voice? The one I told to STFU? The one I described as a black worm? I've decided to name him Stu. It kind of shrinks him and shrinks his power, if you know what I mean. I'm sure I'm crazy, naming the voices in my head (ha ha), but I don't care! Today was better than yesterday (and all the yesterdays before that), because I refused to feel guilty. Most things stayed the same: I still wiped Matthew's snotty nose all day, he still got a time out for throwing sand at his brother while in the sandbox, and I still wanted to duct tape his mouth shut while I made supper, but inside I was calmer. Inside I felt more entitled to both love and discipline him, since I had no guilt to make up for, or to make me angry. Later in the day, this was more difficult because he has a bad case of diarrhea and tummy pains. For normal people, a child's tummy pains make them feel sorry for their kid (and I do), but for me they usually just add to the guilt. He's uncomfortable, and I can't fix it, and thus, I failed. I don't feel this way with Ayden, but I've a track record of guilt with Matthew that I don't have with Ayden. Damn Stu gets his black, wormy, guilty thoughts in every way he can. So, the tummy pains made it hard to tell Stu to F off, but I did it. Hooray!
In other news, I made Ayden a sticker chart with gift incentives for going to the bathroom all by himself, and he's very motivated. He went to the bathroom SEVEN times today (he usually goes 2-3 times in 24 hours) and did not ask for my assistance ONCE.
HOORAY FOR STICKER CHARTS!!! Hooray for Diego DVDs (the 1st incentive)! Previously, I was cheering autonomous poos. Now, I'm cheering autonomous pees as well!