Tuesday, February 26, 2008

News regarding the voice

Remember that guilty voice? The one I told to STFU? The one I described as a black worm? I've decided to name him Stu. It kind of shrinks him and shrinks his power, if you know what I mean. I'm sure I'm crazy, naming the voices in my head (ha ha), but I don't care! Today was better than yesterday (and all the yesterdays before that), because I refused to feel guilty. Most things stayed the same: I still wiped Matthew's snotty nose all day, he still got a time out for throwing sand at his brother while in the sandbox, and I still wanted to duct tape his mouth shut while I made supper, but inside I was calmer. Inside I felt more entitled to both love and discipline him, since I had no guilt to make up for, or to make me angry. Later in the day, this was more difficult because he has a bad case of diarrhea and tummy pains. For normal people, a child's tummy pains make them feel sorry for their kid (and I do), but for me they usually just add to the guilt. He's uncomfortable, and I can't fix it, and thus, I failed. I don't feel this way with Ayden, but I've a track record of guilt with Matthew that I don't have with Ayden. Damn Stu gets his black, wormy, guilty thoughts in every way he can. So, the tummy pains made it hard to tell Stu to F off, but I did it. Hooray!

In other news, I made Ayden a sticker chart with gift incentives for going to the bathroom all by himself, and he's very motivated. He went to the bathroom SEVEN times today (he usually goes 2-3 times in 24 hours) and did not ask for my assistance ONCE.
HOORAY FOR STICKER CHARTS!!! Hooray for Diego DVDs (the 1st incentive)! Previously, I was cheering autonomous poos. Now, I'm cheering autonomous pees as well!


Roboseyo said...

Go jump in a lake, stu!

By the way, I think I'm going to claim victory by countout on the December 12th comment debate. . .

unless something to say about it, you have! (in the words of Yoda)

tamie said...

What you write about the way that guilt shifts the way we treat people makes perfect perfect sense to me. Keep going, Mel. And keep telling us about it! And Stu, I heartily second Rob. Go jump in a lake. (Although I suppose I do believe, with our ol' pal Jung, that we have to befriend our demons...but first maybe we have to go tell them to jump in lakes.)