Thursday, April 3, 2008

Me no like wu

Matthew has quite a few cute word idiosyncrasies.
Chu mees = excuse me
tang chu = thank you
tun mae = birth mom (thai...should be kuhn mae)
wahoo = hooray/yay
wadirt = yogurt
moke = milk
bwu badae = green grape (sounds very similar to 'blueberry' which can be misleading)
nana = my mom, or banana
ho = old
mu = new
ti-to = tickle
choklit = chocolate (not a far stretch, but every time he says it he reminds me of Forest Gump)
hot plame = hot wheels car
hello = yellow (his favourite colour)
wu = you...

the list goes on.
Today was pretty good. It was sunny, and warm. The weather this past week has been ridiculous. It actually snowed on my daffodils last Friday and Saturday! I'm aware that the rest of Canada is still deep in the throes of winter--my point is, that once your daffodils come up, you don't expect old man winter to make another appearance until AFTER the spring and summer and fall circle past again!
Anyways, it warmed up. Ayden had a fit this morning when informed that he had school today, and earned a time out for a poor attitude, but once we actually got to school the goodbye was relatively easy (only 6 hugs and kisses required) and he had a great time. While he was at school, Matthew and I went to the Coquitlam Babies R Us for a few items, and Matthew wanted to pick out a 'prize' (surprise) for the baby, so we did. Giving preschoolers choices is GREAT--but Matthew making a decision is like waiting for water to freeze. Eventually I always lose patience and start hustling him...the Coquitlam store is HUGE so the choices were literally overwhelming.
I bought Matthew a new rain jacket and puddle pants while I was there, because they had some CUTE Kushies rain gear and they had "hello" ones so he was as happy as a clam.
We went back to pick up Ayden, went home for lunch, and then went out for a haircut.
I was inordinately angry with their hairdresser for cutting Matthew's hair all wrong so he looks like a fuzzball (I blame hormones for the inordinate anger). The boys were happy. She gave them lollipops.
Of course, nobody knew I was seething except Brent who got an earful in a phone call after we got home!
I then started on dinner.
I was exhausted.
They hated my dinner.
Matthew kept putting his fingers on Ayden's plate during supper and it was driving me crazy.
I gave Matthew a bath, Aveeno, allergy treatment, nasal spray, asthma inhaler (he has a cold), pullup, third favourite jammies (1st two are in the wash), brushed his teeth, re-made his bed (his dad wisely thought he was old enough to sleep in underwear last night so I had extra laundry to do today...thank you, Brent), read him a story, and then Brent came home.
You would think the Gods had given Matthew a million dollars and the promise of a 100 year life span and a three years' supply of candy.
(jump, jump)"daddy, wu read me story? (wiggle, jump) Wu lie down wi me? (jump) Wu ti-to me?"
No, daddy has to go eat supper. Mommy will lie down with you.
Brent leaves.
Matthew is quiet for a few minutes, then says,
"Mommy, me no like wu. Me like daddy."

Well, thank you, little man. Me no like WU right now, either, you little jackass.
Let me list the things I did for you today:
hot breakfast, conversation, safely locked in seat belt, shopping trip with new 'hello' jacket, 15 minutes of patience and 5 of impatience as you pick out a 'prize' for your baby brother, safely locked in seat belt again, nap in car while I safely navigate highway, lunch, haircut, 3 dozen kisses for 3 dozen imagined owies, referee intervention between you and older brother who outweighs you by 50% and would surely kill you in about 2 minutes if no ref available about a dozen times, snack, play cars with you, wash your bedding, wash your favourite jammies but don't dry them in time for bed (whoops), supper, bath, Aveeno for dry itchy skin that all-holy-and-wonderful daddy ALWAYS forgets, jammies, story, prayer, and cuddle.

Let me list the things daddy did for you today;
work hard to make money to pay for your stuff.

Equally good, don't you think?

You may be thinking "Oh, but Matthew is simply excited to see daddy after a long day apart!"
Yesterday I worked 12 hours while Brent looked after the boys and when I got home I got,
"Hi. Daddy read me story. Daddy wie down wi me."

It really sucks being the nonpreferred parent. While Brent was gone Matthew and I got closer, but now I feel like he doesn't like me (it helps when he says "Me no like wu") again. Daddy's SO wonderful and SO fun and SO great, and mommy's whatever.
It makes me feel (a) like the hard work I do and the hours I put in and the actions I perform expressly to make him happy are not appreciated, and, (b) like I must be untrustworthy. It must have been the hard time I had with him, and the ways he gets under my skin now, and my impatience sometimes; I've failed him, otherwise he wouldn't reject me.
Stu's back with a vengeance.
I'm lacking.
I suck.
I don't give him what he needs.
I don't play with him enough.
He can read my mind when I'm impatient but silent.
I've damaged his ability to trust women.
I'm untrustworthy.
I'm unpredictable.
Mama Lisa did it better than me.
Kuhn Mae could have done it better than me.
God picked the wrong mom.
I'm no fun.
I'm all wrong.

I left his bedroom in tears. I KNOW he's only three, and that he can't articulate well, and all he wanted was for daddy to put him to bed instead of me, but it hurt and I had to cry. I KNOW he likes me, and I know I've done well with him and he's secure and feels loved, but really people, I deserve more credit from him than I get. No one on earth has fought so hard to get better from being depressed and angry, and fought so hard to learn to love someone else, and ground their teeth so hard to learn what other mothers seem to do so naturally (care for 2 children patiently), and observed and bent and relearned and changed and PRAYED...I guess I shouldn't get credit for working so hard to be 'at' where I should have been as a parent anyways, but for me it was very hard. I also work hard and worry and pray for his confidence and self esteem and joy and authenticity and to discern his gifts and strengths and characteristics, and plan fun activities and sign him up for swimming and soccer and hug and kiss and hug and kiss and hug and kiss, and discipline to teach boundaries, and work to interpret his language approximations, and, and, and...
but, "Me no like wu."
He's no teenager. He shouldn't dislike me yet.

4 comments:

Roboseyo said...

me like wu vewy much.

hey mel. i used to say nasty things like that to my mom without thinking about how she'd take it, because when I was little, mom wasn't so much a human being with thoughts and feelings to me as a paragon of stability and everything that is right, good, warm, and dependable in the world. . . and I couldn't understand yet that universal constants like MOTHER have feelings too.

I love you. I wike wu. Shut the fuck up, Stu! Lick a dolphin dork! (look dork up in the dictionary)

you're a great mother, a kickass paramedic, and the very apotheosis of a good friend (now that you have your dictionary out, anyway); you're a gloriously authentic and real human being, and I love walking the trail with you, even when it's steep and rocky, and even when Stu sets up tripwires and booby traps.

love robouwehand

Tonya said...

I hope Brent gave you lots of hugs and foot rubs last night. :-) If my kids tell me they don't like me (or hate me), I tell them that that hurts my feelings when they say that and they need to say "sorry". They really don't know what they are saying or even mean it. For that second, you aren't giving them what they want, so they don't feel like they like you. Give them what you want and you're a saint. So very fickle.

Oh, sometimes I even look at my kids and say, "How would you feel if mommy told you she doesn't like you?" I'm sure I've actually turned around and said, "well, I don't like you either. Hmph. So there." So grown up! :-)

Have him tell you he's a jackass and he's sorry. You'll crack up and feel better!

Dana said...

Eva told me she didn't like me this week too.

We are hardest on those we know we can trust most, I think. We know they can take it and will still love us! So take it as a kind of a compliment if you can ;)

Resist Stu and he will flee!

tamie said...

Oh sweet Mel. I'm sorry. I think that Rob is right, about little kids not getting that their parents have feelings and that they can really really hurt those feelings. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. So I am sorry. Hang in there. You are such an inspiring human being, Mel. You inspire me all the time. And you're an absolutely amazing mother. You really really are.