Saturday, June 20, 2009

Mama bear meets Mama bear


I've encountered this dilemma several times this week, and it is one that only happens when you have more than one child. One of my children does something that hurts another of my children, and my Mama bear protective instinct comes out ready to pounce, and encounters itself protecting the instigator. So weird. Yesterday Ayden neglected to close the baby safety gate at the bottom of our stairs and in an instant while I wasn't looking, Riley climbed partway up and came crashing back down, smashing his head against the gate at the bottom. Did I want to KILL Ayden? Mama bear withholds full disclosure on that one, but suffice it to say I didn't, because I have a Mama bear instinct for Ayden, too. I managed to control my voice but be decidedly disciplinary in my tone as I admonished Ayden to CLOSE THE GATE OTHERWISE THE BABY FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS. I knew he wouldn't need much disciplining anyways; he felt aweful.
Then the other day I overheard Matthew asking Ayden for a bite of his apple. Ayden said no. Matthew said, "But you shared a bite with mommy!" Ayden's response? "But I grew in mommy's tummy so we have the same germs. You are adopted so your germs are gross."
HeLLO?!?!!! Where the #@#$%^&*^% did you get THAT from? Mama bear was ferocious. Inside. I didn't want to make it a big deal in Matthew's mind, though I certainly bit that one in the bud. Or I hope so. I told Ayden it wasn't acceptable and that it hurt Matthew's feelings, but I still want to have a chat with him when Matthew isn't around to reenforce the whole adoption-pain-integration-forever-family-no-matter-how-we-got-here-inclusion-sensitivity thing. I haven't had a chance yet, because Matthew's always around! We'll have a chat. I just need to find some private space with Ayden where a conversation can organically grow so he can truly listen.
The only thing that saved Ayden from Mama bear in both cases was that I happen to be Mama bear to him, too.
Interesting.

p.s. no further news on Little Vose yet, and no pictures. Soon to come!

3 comments:

Louise and Gary Chapman said...

I had my very first Mama bear experience like that a few weeks ago. Kai hit Koen in the face with his toy truck. I couldn't believe the feelings I had. I was so angry at Kai, it almost felt like I was betrayed by him. I felt so protective of Koen.

Asheya said...

Good way to put those feelings into words. I get so angry with Elias when he hurts Eowyn, but he's still my little boy too. I want to protect her, protect him, but at the same time I am so mad that she got hurt!

These are life's true dilemmas, I think, where black and white no longer exist. Where I MUST protect the younger but not at the expense of the older. So difficult to do, sometimes.

Caryn and Dan said...

(this is regarding the comment you had on my recent blog post... but I certainly love this post on Mama Bear.)

Melissa,

It makes me SOOOO sad that you thought this was directed to you! It totally 100% wasn't. I love your honest Mommy tales. I love the way you strive for a healthier way to birth for women. I agree with SOOOO many of the thoughts and ideas you share with us all in your blog! (and you make me laugh alot too!) You strike me as a VERY tollerant, open-minded person, with a healthy understanding of the balance between the "natural" and the need for "medical" intervention.

So absolutely no way that I ever resent you. I am so happy that you were able to have a successful VBAC, and my hopes are that by continuing to explore more natural channels I will be able to have a VBAC one day too.

Smiles. Sunshine. Friendship. Happy Thoughts.
Caryn