Sunday, October 18, 2009

general ramblings

Anyone have any tips on training a husband? Anyone? Anyone?? For three days I have asked Brent to walk the dog. For three days the dog does not get walked, and the cumulative lack of exercise means his behaviour is ATROCIOUS. He's chewing and pissing and shitting and jumping and chasing...And I KNOW it is because he needs to be walked, but it happens to be the weekend (plus Friday, which was a gong show day that made all my well laid plans of walking to and from school gang aft aglay) and I happen to be sick and tired of being the only one who even THINKS about walking the dog. And I happen to be tired overall. And busy. Hence, I delegate the job of walking the dog to a man who has his head up his ass.
He's a nice man, but I'm pretty sure he can't hear me with his ass cheeks down around his ears like that. He did clean the kitchen today, and the bathroom sink in our ensuite--how he managed all that with his eyeballs full of rectum, I have no idea, but I sure appreciate that he did. SO, there is good and bad. I really shouldn't complain.

I went on a date this afternoon with Ayden. We saw Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, in IMAX 3-D, which was cool. I have never seen a 3-D movie before (dare I admit it?? It seems to be a coming of age rite of passage that slipped by me), so that was neat to finally experience. Ayden and I laughed SO HARD, and we're both the same when we watch movies, because we yell at the screen and lean over to the person we're with to say retarded things like, "Did you see that??" or, "He said 'hungry, hungry!'" or other obvious and irritating statements. It's glorious to go to the movies with someone who has a similar movie watching style to yourself.
Some weird, stinky man came and sat in the row in front of us 3/4 of the way through the movie, which was freaking strange. He was alone, at a kids movie. And he stunk like BO and beer. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon, AT A KIDS MOVIE. Then he got up and left 10 minutes before the end. Isn't that weird?
It takes all kinds.

My dad brought me 150 lbs of apples to sauce. Holy dina. I ordered 3 boxes, which also meant 60 lbs, but he heard only 3 boxes, and found me a stinking deal and brought me 3 FIFTY POUND BOXES! Crikey! But it's perfect, because I have tons of apples to sauce now. Which I totally need, because my kids go through applesauce like it's going out of style. But I better get going on them soon, or we won't have much applesauce at all!
And the dog ate one of the apples. He's such a bad dog. Grrrrr. He's not, really, he's just a puppy but I can't deal with puppy if he hasn't been walked and he's ridiculous.
And the newly renovated bathroom sink flooded yesterday. Sigh. [another reason why the dog didn't get walked was because Brent was fixing said sink, so I'll give him credit for that too].

The sun peeked out this afternoon, highlighting the maple leaves out in all their autumn glory. That was gorgeous! And it was glorious to see the sun for a bit.

I'm almost done another crochet toy, which I'll take a photo of and someday, hopefully, share with you all....if I ever find that camera cord....

I went to the same church I went to last week, when I was unfaithful to my regular church, remember? It was good again, but iffy in the sermon department. There was some mention of 'male leadership' that made my spideygirl senses go into hyperdrive. But I had to leave before the sermon really got underway so I'm not sure what was said after that, and I'm not sure how I feel about it anyways. I mean, I know that I disagree with any division in leadership spiritually, physically, or otherwise between men and women, including (and actually especially) in a family, but I'm not sure how I feel about disagreeing with a particular church on this matter. I think MOST protestant churches we could go to in our area would probably believe in male 'headship' or 'leadership' or whatever, but it would be something that wouldn't come to the forefront very often, theologically or intellectually speaking. So do I leave to find something else because it was mentioned in the opening sentences of one sermon once? Do I live with it and simply agree to disagree? I sure wish I could have heard the rest of the sermon (but part of me doesn't, because I can get pretty tied up in angry knots over this particular issue) so I could judge the situation more clearly. The nursery was full to capacity so I couldn't take Riley there without staying myself, so I had to leave the sanctuary to go hang out with him and all the babies in the nursery once he got squirrely.
The jury is out. I'm not sure what I'll do.
Tamie asked me when she was here, what my ideal church would look like, since we're hunting for a new church? It was a very good question. I'm not sure exactly, but I know that I prefer a more traditional, liturgical, non protestant style, although I'm not sure I could fit there long term either, since I have very nontraditional beliefs regarding women, homosexuality, and evangelism. I don't know that I can find the church that fits me well in all areas, and maybe the fit isn't really the point? Church isn't supposed to be about me and how it feeds me and what I get from it--that's a lotta me in one sentence! Church is about God, and about community, and about wrestling with and learning about and engaging with God together. I don't want to worship with people who don't know me, because I hide what I truly believe, and therefore I feel like a lonely fraud, or have my children be educated in a direction that I fundamentally oppose. But nor do I want to argue with or justify myself to a group of people who disagree with me. Because I could be wrong. I could SOOOOOOO be wrong, about all of what I believe. Maybe I'm fundamentally dysfunctional because my husband and I share leadership in our home, and maybe there is only one true religion which is clearly delineated in quite literal factuality in the Bible, and maybe I'm being unknowingly disobedient by not evangelizing my neighbours. When I write that out it sounds facetious, but I'm actually quite serious, that I acknowledge that I am no wiser than anyone who has come before me, and I am positive I have some things wrong. Maybe a whole bunch of things wrong.
In the end, the church question boils down to how much dissonance can I live with, and not feel isolated and fraudulent. I want a church community. I want to be challenged, and to meet together, and to care for each other in community. I want my children to grow up in a church, surrounded by people who strive to know and be known and follow God. I want to teach my kids the fundamental Christian stories, and structure, and truths, so that they can build upon them as a foundation for the rest of their lives, and grow from there. I want my kids to grow up knowing how to give to others, and take care of people when they need friends, food, care, a listening ear, babysitting, lawn cutting, advice, or love. And most importantly, I want my kids to learn by being around people who have an active and deep spiritual life and relationship with God. So not going to church isn't a positive option, either.
Hm. Not sure what will come of all this, but it is very good to think about...

Congratulations officially go out to my friend Rob and his girlfriend Hyangju, who got engaged a few weeks ago!! Hooray for love! Hooray for Rob finding his soulmate! Hooray for weddings! :) xo.


Caryn Ouwehand said...


...just kidding :-) I'm so funny.

but wouldn't that be funny if we found out like this.

Like the time we learned about a death in the family on a facebook status update... seriously.

Rachel Clear said...

Hahahaha! The part about Brent cracked me up a LOT, especially the part about having rectum in his ear... haha! I had to read it twice, just to laugh some more.

Tonya said...

Why are you guys trying to find a new church?

Deb said...

The bigger question is how does someone update their facebook status to "dead"? Or did the widow put "single"? Hmmm...Caryn, there's really no good way to announce that on facebook!

Mel - if / when you find the magical formula to get your hubby to do what you want when you want it - PLEASE pass it along - otherwise I guess we'll all have to continue suffering with husbands who fix and clean what and when they want! *sigh*

On another note, my brilliant hubby wrote something on "naming" that I think is cool, and ties into Stu, and being anxious that I thought you might like:


And yay for brothers getting engaged! I'm glad I like her. I'm teaching Aria how to say her name - it's super cute!

jenna said...

how to train your husband: use the reward system. find out what their currency is and use it.
husbands all have the same currency. It's not hard to figure out what reward they want.

Roboseyo said...

Is "widowed" there on the "relationship status" box, next to "it's complicated"?

jenna: do you mean beer?

Asheya said...

amen on the whole church thing. i love what you said about "how much dissonance I can live without being fraudulent etc."

Tamie said...

The most interesting thing to me is the variety of comments in this comment space!

As for the husband/dog thing, my thought is to just state what you'd prefer, and then completely leave it alone after that--not bug him at all--but also let him be the person who consistently deals with the dog. Maybe he'll come up with his own ideas and system, but in any event, he'll be the one who deals with the dog, so he'll be the one who has to figure it out.


jenna said...

I was kidding about the reward system. I've heard it's not healthy but I bet you anything it would work. Sex for taking out the dog... what guy would say no to that?

Roboseyo said...

If I wash the dog, too, can we do some weird stuff?

melissa said...

haha! You guys are hilarious! I go away for a few days and come back and you have ALL made me laugh! Holy smokes.
Okay, first of all, the reward system doesn't work with my husband, because I like sex too much. There is no way I would care about what has been done/not done with the dog that day, in the moment. See, this type of currency only works when it is not ALSO your OWN currency....
And who facebooks about death??? Urk.

And no, Rob; you are not allowed to wash my dog or earn any sex. That's not in my job description as your FRIEND. Double urk.

And as for Tamie's idea to make clear my expectations and then leave the actual dog care related actions up to my husband, I have to cut your idea down. There are two fundamental problems with your idea;
(1) Brent leaves the house to go to work, and I am left to deal with the unwalked dog BAD BEHAVIOUR, so most of what results from the lack of walking, he doesn't even see. It punishes me without affecting him.
(2) Brent has a fundamental difficulty going from theory to action. He agrees with me that the dog should really be walked every day, and that exercise makes a happier and more well behaved dog (just as it makes happier and more well behaved people!!). But translating good ideas into action or behaviour is something that God forgot to put in Brent's DNA. He is very good at his job, has lots of initiative and creative ideas at work, but when it comes to everyday life, it just isn't THERE! So: uwalked dog and frustrated wife.
If I nagged him a lot, he would do it. But I don't like nagging.
It's okay, I have learned to live with this characteristic after 7 years of marriage. But sometimes it still irks me, especially when his head being stuck in his rectum makes MY life more difficult!!!

But I love him. And I know I'm lucky. I just forget sometimes when I'm stepping in dog pee for the fourteenth time in an hour.

Roboseyo said...

the wisecrack was an imagined situation, and in no way a proposition, Mel. Durr AND ew. You're like, my best friend in Canada.

your stories are funny. that must be why you got so many funny responses.

tamie said...

Ah, yes, I see your predicament. If YOU have to suffer the consequences, then alas, it doesn't really help to let him figure it out on his own!

Ah, relationships, they can be a wee bit more tricky than a nice game of checkers. Living with another person in peace and harmony, in which you yourself are also in peace and harmony. Sometimes I wonder--if the Dalai Lama was married, would he still be so uber-peaceful? :)