-Hi! You are all fantastic. I wish we lived next door to each other, all of you. :)
-Last week Brent and I celebrated Valentine's Day on Thursday evening, four days after the calendar date, because I WENT TO THE OLYMPICS on Valentine's Day, and anyways Brent was working. So we did what we have done numerous times before; we fed the kids dinner, put them to bed early, and had a romantic date in our own house. ♥
Brent made us steamed crab and steak and asparagus and roasted red pepper, with sourdough bread and garlic butter.....ohhhh...it was SO GOOD! We snuggled on the couch and watched some PVRd Grey's Anatomy and it was WAYYYY better than a night out because I spent the whole evening in my sweat pants. Well, not the WHOLE evening....
It was Valentine's Day, after all.
-Friday the kids had a Pro D day. Matthew had a kidney and bladder ultrasound first thing in the morning, and afterwards we took the sky train to Vancouver to experience some of the Olympic hype. It was awesome! The weather was perfect, there were tons of people everywhere, and cultural stuff, and everything was free. Our feet hurt from walking, but we were happy.
-During the ultrasound, Matthew was shaking because he had to pee so badly [they told us to get him to drink 20 oz of water an hour before the appointment--the same amount of water I was required to drink before my prenatal ultrasounds, and on both occasions was told my bladder was too full and to empty some of it. Are they stupid? The kid is five. So I had him drink 10 oz of water, and he was still shaking]. So the tech scanned one kidney and his full bladder, then allowed him to pee. She scanned his empty bladder and then his other kidney, and she asked if he had really emptied his bladder all the way because it was still quite full. But he didn't feel any urge to pee at all and said it was empty. This was interesting, and I wonder if he has some nerve dysfunction or something? If he can't feel that it is full, how is he supposed to empty it properly and follow his body's cues? Anyways we will know more after his urology appointment.
-Tonight we met up for a mini Nerdette Fest! One of our Nerdfriends was in Seattle from the Philippines and she and a friend drove up for the evening so we could all visit. It was fabulous, and props to Torie and Sam for putting up with yet another invasion. [We missed you guys, Dana!] Good friends, good times, tons of noise. Jen just wrote her North American Registered Midwives Exam on Wednesday. Congratulations, friend! Your hard work is paying off! I'm just a wee big greenish, and way proud!
-Tomorrow is Matthew's urology appointment at BC Children's Hospital. I'm nervous because I find it difficult to drive to Vancouver, I'm anxious about getting lost at Children's because it is a big hospital and I've only ever been to the Emergency department before [in the ambulance, not with my own kids], I am nervous meeting new people, particularly medical professionals, I'm afraid of how I'm going to juggle a very active and impatient Riley with the logistics of a pretty important medical appointment for my OTHER son, and I'm petrified of what they will tell me.
Your son is *f*d up and it is all your fault, you've failed, now you must pay the price.
I was thinking today on the walk home from dropping Matthew off at school, of the Taoist principle of the letting go of desire. If I can release the desire to be recognized as a *good* parent, I will no longer feel fear of the outcome of this investigation into Matthew's urological health. My desire is for my children to grow up and be healthy and whole, and to be satisfied in the knowledge that I helped shape that. I don't think there is anything inethical in this desire, except maybe that it makes my path more difficult for me when I engage with it. If I can release my ego from the picture, I will be free of fear and free to engage with the source of the problem more effectively and more objectively, which will better serve Matthew.
Interesting to think about, anyways. I really love the fundamental principles of Tao. It is on my list to read their holy book, one of these days. I got partway through the Quran, and want to finish that first, but I may have to put that on hold for awhile, since I have a negative desire to actually read the Quran these days. I got bogged down in the negativity and harshness, and marked demarkation between the "in" and the "out" crowd. There must be more beautiful parts of that book, and someday I'll get to them...
In the meantime maybe I'll delve into Taoism [intellectually! I'm still a Christian]. Super cool.
-I'm exhausted. Fear is exhausting. I'll update you after Matthew's appointment as soon as I can.