Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Something in the AIR?!?!??

I just have to vent a bit. Matthew is being extremely difficult right now. It's like he hit the terrible twos, but he's nearly six years old. He's been caught hitting Riley, calling him 'stupid, stupid, stupid' under his breath, sitting on Riley, yanking toys out of his hands, and stealing his candy and snacks. He walked by another kid's desk in kindergarten today, swiped her cookie, and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. When she started to cry, he pointed at her and said, "HA HA!" He threw a piece of chalk at his aunt's head today. He blatantly defies us and disobeys us. He hits me. He hits me with sticks, books, play swords, lego, or his hands. He has always been a touchy guy: instead of exploring the world with his eyes, he explores with his fingertips, almost as though he were blind! We've been directing him towards less tactile behavior since he was VERY little, and as a result he generally has good self control in this area. All of a sudden, it's touchtouchtouchtouchtouchtouch, take, poke, smash, crumple, rip, touchtouchtouchtouchtouch, which may not SOUND bad, but it sure does wear thin when you live with it.
Paying more attention to him doesn't seem to be working. Getting to bed earlier doesn't seem to be working. Yelling at him doesn't seem to be working [go figure!]. Oh my GAWD I want to sell this kid. Anyone? Anyone? Free to a Good Home: one five year old boy, no self control, touches everything, violent towards others, and pees his pants daily. Holeeee crap. How To Feel Like A Bad Parent: post the above on your blog.

Good moms are patient. Right? Every other mom out there would welcome these minor irritations in the Name of Love, right? And here I am all Free To A Good Home. Gah!


nancy said...

this too will pass01

Rachel Clear said...

The things you are describing would drive any parent insane, girl. I don't know how moms do it! And I'm going to be a mom soon, so I better figure it out!

I love that you feel free to write and vent about it. You're only saying what EVERY parent goes through, but what few parents will admit. Good for you. And maybe someone with more experience than me will know some great ways to help walk you through this.

My only reference point at this stage is my cats, both of which I have failed miserably in the mothering department, and besides, squirting Matthew with water probably won't help anything either... :)

Caryn Ouwehand said...

Dude... is there a full moon coming soon or something, because SILAS IS PSYCHOTIC today! He is being blatantly bad.

So if you do end up posting an ad for your son, can you make it a 2 for 1 deal, and I will throw my 2-year old in as a bonus.

Asheya said...

Make that a 3 for 1 deal, as I've been having very similar issues with Elias, 4 yrs old. Hitting everyone, calling names, not listening to me, repeatedly doing what I've JUST ASKED HIM NOT TO DO, and crying, oh the crying, at absolutely everything!

I seriously think you've got it right, Melissa--there's something in the air.

I tend to wonder what I'm doing wrong, or what I can do better. Often there are solutions. I talked to a counsellor today about this, and what I got from our talk was that ultimately, kids are autonomous creatures. Yes, we do shape their behaviour, but their feelings are their own, and what they choose to do with those feelings are their own too. So there aren't always solutions that work all the time, because those darn kids have free will!

What was god thinking, really, giving kids free will!!! How about blind obedience?

The good news is that means we can't judge ourselves or other peoples' parenting by how the kids act. We're all just doing our best, and sometimes some gentle encouragement and guidance for parenting ideas is needed, but often just acceptance and support is what really makes a difference.

So here's me, supporting you, telling you that Matthew's issues are not your fault, and that you are doing a great job of loving him and protecting your other kids from whatever he is going through with his free will. XOXO

melissa said...

THANK YOU!!! Yes, mom, this, too, shall pass. Rach, I just might be desperate enough to try squirting Matthew with water, Caryn, you made me LAUGH HARD!!!
And Asheya, you made me cry. I didn't really even know that this was exactly what I needed right now:

So here's me, supporting you, telling you that Matthew's issues are not your fault, and that you are doing a great job of loving him and protecting your other kids from whatever he is going through with his free will. XOXO

Right back at you, babe.
Yeah, what WAS God thinking, giving kids FREE WILL?!?!?!

Tonya said...

Mel, sorry you're having a rough time! And, yes, this will pass. And, yes, all our kids act like maniacs at times. Some more than others! Does it make you feel better to know that my 6 year old deliberately knocked a bird's nest down yesterday? At least he felt remorse afterwords. Granted, maybe he just was sad he had to clean it up and apologize to his sister, who was terribly attached to those eggs.

Oh, and this morning, Josiah told Rebekah he hates her. And my two youngest can't be in the same vicinity without getting in a fight... Yep, Matthew sounds normal to me! :-)