This pregnancy is going by at warp speed. I don't have time to look up what is happening in my body, and with my baby, or do weekly posts like last time. The first quarter of my pregnancy is finished! Surprisingly, I don't feel anxious over the passage of time, which has long been a particular stone in my shoe. You know how numerous people tell you when you are pregnant or your kids are small, "Enjoy it! It goes by so fast!?" I took that and internalized it too much. I constantly worried about the brevity of childhood, and whether I would miss or forget something, and experience irreparable loss. Fear of great loss has followed me since my childhood. I think we all feel grief over how quickly our babies become toddlers, children, and adults, but at the same time we GAIN SO MUCH! I'm coming to terms with this, and experiencing joy in the journey as I discover how wonderful it is to live in the moment, cherish it, and then let it pass. Because the next moment, though I lose what was before, is so rich. Ayden reads and talks intelligently and has opinions that are fascinating. He's smart, he's very artistic, he takes tasks and learning very seriously, and he reads voraciously. Matthew is charismatic, bubbly, positive, fears NOTHING, is game for ANYTHING, masters physical tasks very rapidly, is learning to read and write, engineers lego like nobody's business, and loves with abandonment. Riley is contemplative, gentlehearted, independent (mine, mine, mine is his favorite word), sweet, starting to put two words together fairly consistently, could kick a ball before he could walk (seriously: we would hold him up to a ball and he would kick it purposefully), and tries fiercely to keep up with his brothers.
These are characteristics which have grown over time, and which I wouldn't have the joy of experiencing if they all stayed babies forever. Plus, I grow with them. I get better at the mulit tasking, the interminable amount of required patience, the repetition, ignoring the noise, and growing and lavishing the love. Who I am now is so much more peaceful and capable than who I was in the beginning of this parenting thing. So. Though it's sad how fast it goes, I'm finally at peace with it all.
Here's a picture of Rice Cake for now (whom I always refer to as a boy, but usually think about as a girl, without conscious forethought).