Friday, September 10, 2010

Double Ouch

[Riley had one more pee on the toilet this a.m.! That's not the double ouch part!!]

I have to confess that I really don't like being apart from my children overnight. It's funny but it is way worse being the one who is left behind, rather than the one who goes: when I work a night shift I just go and work, but when my kids sleep at grandma's for fun, I feel all bereft. Plus, work is only 14 hours (with commute), whereas sleepovers generally run longer. Evening, night, morning, or longer. Tonight my kids are at their grandparents' house to sleep, and then stay the day til 8 pm tomorrow. That is long! A full 24 hours. My insides actually feel all sick and achey, and I'm moping about. Part of it is that Riley is gone, too, and my nursing him makes our separations few and short. Part of it is that I only realized tonight at 7 p.m. that Brent and I are both working tomorrow and need the grandparents' help! So I didn't have much time to mentally prepare for letting them go for a day. Riley nursed this morning when we woke up, but not since then, and when I said goodbye there was WAY too much excitement going on for him to be remotely interested in milkies, so it will be 36 hours between nursings. We have gone that long ONCE before, and it was fine and there was still milk (more than usual, which makes sense, but usual these days isn't much!), and the next day he made up for lost time. But it's still a long time to go without those nursing snuggles. It's tough on me that he's growing up! It is great, and wonderful, and joyful, but sad too.

Also, a friend of mine is getting married in October. Which is WONDERFUL, seriously I'm SO happy for this friend, who after many years of wondering if she would EVER meet a decent guy, met her perfect complimentary match last winter and is very, very happy. But I'm doing a reading at the wedding, which is GREAT! But means I am also invited to the stagette activities after the rehearsal. And these activities include going DANCING (hello? I'm 32 and pregnant) and staying overnight in a hotel in Vancouver. My heart sank. I love my friend. I love that she's getting married, and celebrating that properly is very important to me. But I don't WANNA stay overnight at a hotel in Vancouver without my babies and adorable husband! [whine] It is SO hard for these friends to understand that this is logistically and emotionally hard for me. Well, I *imagine* it would be, since I haven't told them it is. I can see them thinking, "Jeepers, he's two already. It's just overnight!" But it makes me feel all discombobulated and jittery, like I'm purposefully sinning or something, to leave my family for that long, and that purpose. My nest is here, and I like it here, and I've built it just so. As long as the five of us go together, our nest goes along with us, and I'm happy and peaceful. But break it up, and I feel scattered.
Hopefully I learn to cope with this by the time my kids go off to College.
In the meantime, ouch.

1 comment:

tamie said...

Dude. I gotta tell you that I believe you, because you're Mel and you always tell the truth, but it really is hard for me to understand and identify. My own Mom talks about the difficulty of being separate from us kids, and we're in our 30s, and I miss my Mom too for sure, but I think that she misses me in ways I just don't get, and probably won't until I have my own kids. Hm. I'm glad you wrote this post though because it helps me believe other Moms who feel the same way!