Wednesday, October 20, 2010

On Books and Bitches

Today was an excellent day! Except for that bitch.
Let me explain.
It was sunny and crisp, I got up easily without hitting snooze or cursing the day I was born (or gave birth), I made the kids a HOT BREAKFAST, and we walked to school. I did scads of housework, including vacuuming the rugs--even the stairs--although I did have a coughing fit that made me pee my pants, so that wasn't that excellent. I folded laundry, played with Riley, got him to keep his pants dry til 2:00pm, visited my mother in law, and worked on a post for Mothers of Change (which hasn't been published yet).
We walked to pick up the boys from school, came home, enjoyed each others' company, I made good food for supper (though my dessert totally failed), and took the kids to Ayden's soccer practice.

Wherein, enter: bitch. "Oh, I like your shirt! It's so cute!" My new favorite maternity shirt says "Baby Makes the Belly Go Round" it IS so cute! So I smiled and said thanks, and she asked when I am due.
[I hate this question. I usually lie. Who am I kidding, I ALWAYS lie: but how far to lie is the question. I settled on February because she would likely see me at soccer until after Christmas, which is my other lie that I prefer because it makes me 'look' small rather than big]
So, I said, "February." She looked at my belly, her eyes got big and round and her face surprised, and she said with disbelief, "February? Really?! Oh my god."
I love it that you just called me fat.
She was pregnant, too. Shall I call you fat? Ugly? Stinky? Something else that might hurt your feelings?
Get some MANNERS!

Right after soccer Brent came by and we did the baton relay passoff with the kids so I could go to book club. So I arrived at book club all grouchy and in pain, because, of course, I walked 3 km today so my body was all, "I'm dying! I'm going into labour! Stop the torture!" Yeesh.
I love my book club girls. They're all hilarious, and fun, and supportive, and smart as heck. We talked about everything from the book to labour and birth, Saskatchewan, homosexuality and the church, food, nutritionism, parenting, judgmentalism, and sex. Always the sex.
The books more than made up for the bitch. Thankfully.
xo
=)

7 comments:

Caryn Ouwehand said...

Double Bitch. You left out the part of the story where you PUNCHED HER IN THE THROAT WITH YOUR MIND!

MWA HAHAHAHA!

Bitch.

Your belly is perfect.

SANDRA said...

It really seems like people forget their manners when they meet a pregnant woman. When I was pregnant with Leo older women liked to touch my belly and make comments on how big I was. I was thinking of getting a shirt saying: Don’t touch me! And please be quiet! I am sleeping / Baby.

Ali said...

Where did you get your 'Baby makes the belly go round' shirt??

ms emili louann said...

i love your imagery.

sorry about the bitch. i got crap like this all the time... especially with jonah, and especially in the last 4 months. i had three people (including my mother in law) comment about how i was probably having twins, i was so big and swollen...

grrrr! SHUT YOUR FACE! who says that?!?!

melissa said...

Thanks ladies!!! Yeah, it's gruesome how certain things, like mentioning a woman's size, or touching her belly, become acceptable when a woman is pregnant?!

Ali, I got the shirt at Motherhood in Guilford. I paid $35 for a freaking T SHIRT but it was so cute I couldn't pass it up!

And Ms Em, I got the twins comment three or four times already, and I'm only halfway! Last time i got it every freaking day during the last 2 to 3 months...Which is why I lie about my due date all the time. I should really post a photo for you guys, even a badly taken self portrait, because you've no idea how my belly looks this time around! I never get a chance to get a nice photo...

tamie said...

Boo for the bitch! And yay for you. I wish I could be in your book club and talk about all kinds of interesting things including sex.

Asheya said...

She was just jealous.....because your belly is huge but you still look so sexy! And she secretly wants twins but already had an ultrasound so she knows she's only having one. :)