We all have bad days, and I often think it's the compounding effect of how we're feeling in life in general that tips the scales from just another day with kids, to a Bad Day. Because I could have that kind of a day and take it in stride and not think twice about it, but because there were several major stressors and anxiety triggers marinating in my mind, it made the day that much more awful, you know? I'm grieving the loss of a home birth. I'm financially stressed. I'm worried about having the stamina for four kids.
Speaking of financial stress, one of the comments on my last post was this one:
I think that addinga 4th chld to your family isi not smart when you struggle financially with three.
Of course this comment was anonymous, because who has the balls to kick someone while they are having a bad day and put their name to it?
Fortunately, I didn't read this comment yesterday. I read it today, after a much needed good night's sleep (thank you, whoever prayed for sleep, it really was a miracle!!!), and after processing much of what I was angry about yesterday, in my blog post, and I actually laughed out loud! Wow! Of all the things to criticize me for yesterday, THAT was the one 'anonymous' picked? Hilarious. Some of you defended me (thank you!), which also made me laugh more, knowing you guys who know me better than anonymous are ready to take up arms for me. ♥ you guys are AWESOME!
It's always tough financially when you 'miss' a payday or two for some reason or other, and mine happens to be fairly legitimate. Having early labour contractions stimulated by lifting anything over 10 lbs, and having a job where I regularly lift people 200 lbs or more, and carry a heavy bag full of medical equipment into each and every call is obviously not compatible. I had to go on maternity leave early, but my maternity pay hasn't kicked in yet because it takes time for those claims to be processed, so we're down two paycheques. I don't make much, but I make enough to be noticed when I 'miss' two paydays!
All of this is to say that we're not in a chronic state of minus $33 and a bounced cheque, although it's not completely unheard of for us. This is a busy, financially taxing stage of life, and just about everyone finds it so, whether they have two or fourteen children.
My most emphatic and heartfelt response to a comment like this one, is that kids are more important than money. Period.
My husband likes to say, of our family: "Empty wallet, full heart." It's true. Of course, your heart can be quite full with two children, and that's fabulous. People can also choose not to want to be taxed further financially than they are comfortable with by limiting the size of their family, and that is fabulous too. We all know what our limits are, and being self aware enough to stop when we're done is very healthy. But asking me to limit my family to three kids rather than four because of financial stress is asking me to stop before I'm ready JUST because of money. Materialism means little to me, but the little people in my life mean much. Besides, it's a little late now, isn't it?!?!! OOPS, sorry baby love, we have decided we can't afford you: can you just UNCONCEIVE?
Babies cost our family very little because breastmilk is free and cloth diapers are cheap and we have tons of clothes and strollers and carseats and stuff from our other three rugrats and the generous gifts and hand me downs of our family and friends, so this baby won't cost us much at all until it starts the Activity Stage: soccer, violin, swimming, etc, etc. If we can't afford soccer one year, we'll take a year off. If we can't afford lessons, we'll take some time off. I'd rather have four kids who rattle around our backyard and read books and climb the walls than have three in soccer.
Hooray for babies