Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Feeling Much Better...

It's so great how spilling your guts makes you feel better. Thank you friends and family for the supportive comments and prayers after my funk post yesterday, that was a crummy day. It should be against the laws of nature for moms to get sick, since there are no sick days when you are a parent, no Sabbath, no vacations! We should be particularly immune when we're pregnant. Pregnant and sick is just not fair.
We all have bad days, and I often think it's the compounding effect of how we're feeling in life in general that tips the scales from just another day with kids, to a Bad Day. Because I could have that kind of a day and take it in stride and not think twice about it, but because there were several major stressors and anxiety triggers marinating in my mind, it made the day that much more awful, you know? I'm grieving the loss of a home birth. I'm financially stressed. I'm worried about having the stamina for four kids.
Speaking of financial stress, one of the comments on my last post was this one:

I think that addinga 4th chld to your family isi not smart when you struggle financially with three.

Of course this comment was anonymous, because who has the balls to kick someone while they are having a bad day and put their name to it?
Fortunately, I didn't read this comment yesterday. I read it today, after a much needed good night's sleep (thank you, whoever prayed for sleep, it really was a miracle!!!), and after processing much of what I was angry about yesterday, in my blog post, and I actually laughed out loud! Wow! Of all the things to criticize me for yesterday, THAT was the one 'anonymous' picked? Hilarious. Some of you defended me (thank you!), which also made me laugh more, knowing you guys who know me better than anonymous are ready to take up arms for me. ♥ you guys are AWESOME!

It's always tough financially when you 'miss' a payday or two for some reason or other, and mine happens to be fairly legitimate. Having early labour contractions stimulated by lifting anything over 10 lbs, and having a job where I regularly lift people 200 lbs or more, and carry a heavy bag full of medical equipment into each and every call is obviously not compatible. I had to go on maternity leave early, but my maternity pay hasn't kicked in yet because it takes time for those claims to be processed, so we're down two paycheques. I don't make much, but I make enough to be noticed when I 'miss' two paydays!
All of this is to say that we're not in a chronic state of minus $33 and a bounced cheque, although it's not completely unheard of for us. This is a busy, financially taxing stage of life, and just about everyone finds it so, whether they have two or fourteen children.

My most emphatic and heartfelt response to a comment like this one, is that kids are more important than money. Period.

My husband likes to say, of our family: "Empty wallet, full heart." It's true. Of course, your heart can be quite full with two children, and that's fabulous. People can also choose not to want to be taxed further financially than they are comfortable with by limiting the size of their family, and that is fabulous too. We all know what our limits are, and being self aware enough to stop when we're done is very healthy. But asking me to limit my family to three kids rather than four because of financial stress is asking me to stop before I'm ready JUST because of money. Materialism means little to me, but the little people in my life mean much. Besides, it's a little late now, isn't it?!?!! OOPS, sorry baby love, we have decided we can't afford you: can you just UNCONCEIVE?


Babies cost our family very little because breastmilk is free and cloth diapers are cheap and we have tons of clothes and strollers and carseats and stuff from our other three rugrats and the generous gifts and hand me downs of our family and friends, so this baby won't cost us much at all until it starts the Activity Stage: soccer, violin, swimming, etc, etc. If we can't afford soccer one year, we'll take a year off. If we can't afford lessons, we'll take some time off. I'd rather have four kids who rattle around our backyard and read books and climb the walls than have three in soccer.

Hooray for babies


Tonya said...

Ok, I posted to JACKASS anonymous. I had not read yesterday's post yet. Glad you are feeling a bit better today. And you will survive this! I promise. It stinks while it's happening, but one day this will all be over! You won't be pregnant forever! (Even though it feels like it!!)

Tonya said...

OH, and I LOVED your mom's reply to JACKASS. You know, let's not even refer to this JACKASS as anonymous. Just JACKASS. For some reason, I'm having way too much fun using the word JACKASS today.

SANDRA said...

I'm glad you're feeling better today! I sent you an email on FB <3

Andrea said...

Great (and much more gracious than I could be) response to such a ridiculous comment! If everyone waited to have kids until they could afford to without being stretched, there would be very few babies around! Glad you are feeling better today =)

Dana said...

PTL!!! :) I'm so happy that He answered those prayers for refreshment. Now we'll keep badgering Him to answer those prayers about your blood sugars.

Anon must be a spammer.. that was too mean to be real.

Asheya said...

I'm so sorry to hear that homebirth won't be an option for you. I'm grieving with you. It's so disappointing!

I know how impossible it can be to deal with a toddler while being pregnant, so you can't lift them or make them behave when they are having a tantrum. So frustrating! I've had my share of toddler meltdowns in the grocery store, rolling around getting insanely dirty, while I stand and watch. And everyone else stands and watches. Too funny, really.

Sending you lots of love and hugs. xo

Louise Chapman said...

I like your gracious response! I don't know that I would've done so well:) Glad today is a better day...let me know what the midwife said about those blood sugars and all that jazz.

lori said...

I am hearing about your rough days and good days all at once now, as I catch up. That day going to the meeting about Matthew and dropping your keys 40 billion times sounds like a nightmare. I hate it when everything stacks on in one day. Why does it rarely seem like that happens with good stuff?!

So, wait. Are you saying it's for sure that the home birth is out?!? How can they know for sure this early? What if your body regulates better later on toward delivery? (Forgive me if I've missed a major explanation.) Oh, maaaaaaan.

As for the money thing - my parents raised us four kids on a VERY meager, one-person income. They just lived differently than a lot of people we knew. We didn't eat out much, didn't have a lot of "extras" around the house (like nutritionally worthless food - soda and whatnot). They gardened, they canned, Mom sewed our special occasion dresses, and she clipped coupons. We rarely bought new clothes or toys, so Christmas and birthdays were special. But we played together all the time, had family game nights, were outside a lot, and learned to be grateful for little things, like an evening trip to Dairy Queen.

They didn't have money to help with college either, but three of the four of us went to private schools and got bachelor's degrees, and the other one (me) got a two-year degree and additional non-accredited training.

I wouldn't trade that kind of childhood for all the money in the world, and I don't regret my parents' decision AT ALL.

Just another opinion.