Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Gift of a Day

I have to be honest, I'm not doing the best these days emotionally. Lots of crying. Lots of worrying. Some ups and downs.

Today was a gift of a day. We woke up and it was clear and cold and SUNNY! Sunshine in our climate in January is pretty rare. It has been a gorgeous day all day.
My blood sugar has been good today. Not perfect, but good. I've found the magic number of insulin units plus the magical formula of physical activity and foods (type and amount) plus the type of insulin to take at the magical times of day to keep things moderately well controlled.
[hilarious aside: I forgot to take my overnight insulin last night and my morning blood sugar was lowest it has been all week! This is because I found a combination that lowered my bedtime sugars, not because the insulin doesn't work...if I'd taken it, maybe I would have finally scored a fasting blood sugar below the target number! That has happened NEVER ONCE, though I've come close].

Anyways, it's good for me emotionally to feel like I've found a balance that appears to be working. It's a complicated balance that is *nearly* a full time job in itself (you know, in addition to the more than full time job of having 3 kids). But I can do what I need to for the next several weeks IF it works. If it doesn't work I'll fall into despair and not do anything. Sort of joking.

We went to church. I like my church a lot (lack of public breastfeeding aside). All 3 boys ran to their classes without looking back, including Riley, which is not generally normal for him. He tends to act like a wuss. (tell me you know I'm AP oriented and am joking!) I got a seat (miracle!) next to a couple I know (double miracle!), liked the sermon, loved the singing, loved the sunshine coming in the windows, realigned my heart away from anxiety and desire over this birth, and felt peace.

We ate lunch, the boys played in our fabulous backyard with the dog in the sunshine and mud, and then we went for a walk. We walked the Fort to Fort trail in Ft Langley (not the whole thing, but about a 1.5 km portion, then back again) in the sunshine. Did I mention it was sunny?
Taking little kids outside in the first spring(ish) sun is like turning horses out to pasture with fresh green grass after a long winter of eating dried hay. There's lots of shrieking and running around, and very little rule following. But it's so beautiful to watch, you don't really care. Everyone was covered in mud, but who do you think had it inside his boots, in his hair, and even on his underwear? Who got stuck in the mud so deep he nearly lost his boots? Who got water in his ear? On days like this, I make very broad rules: no walking amongst the trees on the river side of the path. No hitting. No whining. Keep up with mommy. Otherwise, get dirty and have a blast!

I even remembered to bring snacks for everyone, something even I can eat, and my glucometer so I could time my snack correctly, and the stroller to carry all of the above and Riley. I still have contractions when I push the stroller uphill, but at this point I'm far enough along to worry more about blood sugar than contractions. So far, they always go away if I rest afterwards, and I don't lift anything heavy during the rest of my day. Everyone else thought a sunny afternoon in January was a perfect time to walk the Fort to Fort, too, but it was still spectacular. I figured it would be busy, so it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, and then there were people around to help me when Matthew got stuck in the mud so deep his boot nearly got eaten by a mud swamp monster (really, seriously, it almost disappeared completely). There are bonuses to populated paths.

We drove home, the kids drank hot chocolate, and are watching a movie while I blog. Perfect, wonderful day. Days like this one help me remember why I like what I do so much. Why I like being a parent and being active and being here, on earth, just living as much as I can.

And I laugh at myself a lot lately, because I keep catching myself thinking about all the stuff I'm going to get done or be free to do, after the baby is born and I'm not pregnant anymore. Except, I keep forgetting that when I'm not pregnant anymore and the baby is born, I'm going to have a BABY! Right! A baby, who eats and poops and NEEDS 24 hours a day! I'm so funny sometimes. Though a #4 baby; how bad can it be? I'm hoping it will be a smooth transition without a ton of change or stress, since we're already swinging and baby can just hop on and swing along with us.


Lou and Marilyn Sawchenko said...

Yay for sunshine and great days. Bless you, Melissa.

Tania Grim said...

hang in there sweetie pie. This time of year blows for mood changes. Not feeling so hot lately either . xxoo

Rachel Clear said...

I'm glad your day was good, really good. These kinds of good days can have effects last much longer than just a day, so I'll hope for that for you. :)

nancy said...

answered prayers! sunshine is an amazing drug. Love you and can't wait for our visit.

Jen said...

Sounds like it was just what you needed. You are in my thoughts and prayers often and regularly these days. Will pray for more good days, for continued peace in your heart, and joy that just springs out of nowhere. Love you!

ms emili louann said...

"Perfect, wonderful day. Days like this one help me remember why I like what I do so much. Why I like being a parent and being active and being here, on earth, just living as much as I can."