Thursday, February 3, 2011

Life With a Two Year Old




I've been doing better. More relaxed. My blood sugars have been good, I have no previa, and I've been trying to focus on CAN rather than can't. Riley, Ayden, and I watched The Business of Being Born last night. (Matthew's an early to bed, early to riser so he was asleep already). When I put Riley to bed afterwards, he cried and cried because he wanted to "See more baby come out." So funny. So cute. So weird.

I heard a woman on the radio describe life with a toddler recently (paraphrased): Life with a toddler is a lot like that Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day~where it's the same day over and over and over again!
This description made me howl with laughter; it is so true!

A few other laughable things about life with a two year old include

-Dramatic emotional displays. Like when it's time to turn The Backyardigans movie off, Riley always whines about watching more and flops his head on the ground in abject despair.

-Nudity. All two year olds prefer to be nude ALL THE TIME.

-Next best thing? Wearing only underwear. And with underwear, he's sneaky. Suddenly, its off, and if you call him on it, he tips his head to the side and points his finger at you and says, "Mine too hot." Like UNDERWEAR is going to make a thermal difference.

-Absolute favorite toy: penis. There's nothing like a boy asking to suck on your boob while he's fiddling with his penis.

-Particular. They are all particular. Riley's particularities include a passion for slippers, mittens, his scarf, The Backyardigans (I suggested Rubadubbers the other day and it was like I asked him to please eat mud), and eating pretty much every waking moment of the day. He reminds me of one of these:


You know, the Baleen Whales who swim around with their mouths open, eating whatever comes their way? If you're eating sausage, he has to have some. Eggs? He's dying for eggs. Apples, fruit, beans, cottage cheese, bread, milk, salsa, yogurt, breads, cereals, meat, rice, fish, vegetables, YOU NAME IT, HE'LL EAT IT all day long. And of course candy and hot chocolate. When he's not eating, he's declaring, "MINE HUNGEE" at the top of his lungs.

-He's also particular about his pyjamas. He prefers to wear ONLY pyjamas and not get dressed, and his favorites are spiderman pyjamas. I have to talk long and hard to make him get those off.

-One method that works is to wait til he drops food on them. He's particular about being dirty too, which is hilarious because he's a KID, you would think he'd be all, MEH, like every other kid but instead he's taking his pyjamas off at warp speed, frantic for me to wash them. Maybe he inherited my anxiety disorder that is frequently triggered by a fear of contamination? Ha ha.
(its true; one of my biggest triggers is being contaminated, by any number of things including germs, radiation, bugs, uncleanliness, or evil. Being crazy is crazy fun)

-Another particularity is having everyone in our family all together. If anyone is away for even ten minutes, he's asking where they are and if its time to pick them up. "Daddy go? Ay-en go? Ma-hew go?" And if I'm away it's, "WANT MOMMY!" All day long he asks me, "Time pick up Ay-en Ma-hew?" He's happiest when we're all together. Of course then he's asking, "Go Gampa Gamma houff?" He's good with the "G" but not so much with the "S"~he calls our dog Himon.

-Yesterday he patted my belly and said, "Mine like baby."

-He has trouble with transitions. He wants to put on his own boots/socks/mittens/jacket/seat belt/underwear/pants/wash his own hair/zip his own coat/climb into the van himself/etc/etc,
"NO MINE DO IT!"
It's funny how he calls himself mine. Aren't we all a bit self possessive? Riley's just up front about it.

-He has a favorite book. We read it 2786235987 times a day and it has a baby dressed in a snow suit whom he calls "BIG HAT BABY" (meaning big, fat baby because of the snow suit) and which he thinks is hysterical. I might burn the book.

-His favorite knock knock joke is this:
Knock knock
who's there?
dirt.
Dirt who?
DIRT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

wow. It's even funnier the 267809934837th time you hear it.

-He can count to five on his fingers. He does pre reading stuff: following the words with his finger, making up stories, etc. He's incredibly tidy. He can sort objects. This is nice, except when you want to leave a project halfway done and GET OUT THE DOOR!

It's hilarious because Riley is so tidy and particular and Matthew, four years older, is so messy and free spirited. Matthew could still stand to wear a bib at mealtimes. Riley hasn't needed one for a year and a half. I lost my composure at dinner tonight because I looked at Matthew and he had a literal rice moustache. And he had NO IDEA. I snorted because I laughed so hard. Matthew leaves a trail behind him of castoff items, papers, crumbs, broken elastic bands, books, bags, jackets, boots: you never forget that Matthew's around when he's there. Hysterical juxtaposed with the boy who cries when we run out of napkins.

-He also hates when his toe jam goes down the drain.

-Yesterday he dropped a bin on his toe and it bled a bit, so I put a bandaid and some polysporin on it, and suddenly he was crippled. OMG, he couldn't walk, I had to carry him everywhere, he couldn't forget his toe, he talked about it all day, he'd be sitting on the couch talking about "Mine toe," until the bandaid came off and he finally forgot about it! Too hilarious. Those batman bandaids take far to long to fix owies these days. They don't make bandaids like the used to.

-What two year old boy doesn't LOVE to wrestle his overripely pregnant mother? Seriously. She's forever lying down on the couch, doesn't she know that's the UNIVERSAL SIGNAL FOR WRESTLING?!???!!!!!!! If my water doesn't break early I'll be surprised. Or perhaps my placenta dislodge completely from my uterus, jeepers.

-He's his own man. And he's awfully cute.

2 comments:

Caryn Ouwehand said...

Yeah, I don't know what is up with the couch thing... Silas does that too.

tamie said...

LOVE it.