Tuesday, June 7, 2011

And Then There Was Insanity

Today was one of those days where you wonder

....Just exactly what is the universe up to?....Didn't The Universe get my memo?  I'm crazy.  Like, actually Mental Illness Apeshit Crazy.  I don't *do* this life shit very well, so WTF is UP with life on life on LIFE today?!?!!!

Everyone has days like today, where fate just pisses on them.  And then slaps them for good measure.

We started off well enough.  I rolled over to ask Brent to make breakfast and realized OOPS, he's at work!
Le sigh.
I managed to get the kids off to school and breakfast mostly cleaned up before I realized Ayden forgot his lunch at home.  Awesome.  A friend of mine came by to visit so I put it aside to drop off later.  We had a very nice visit, and her kids had a good time on our trampoline and in our toybox, so that was very nice and it fooled me into thinking today was going to be nice to me.  I made a batch of muffins for them and put the leftovers on the counter.  The dog ate them.
[f*&%$#ing dog]
I put the babies in the car, dropped off Ayden's lunch, and made a quick trip to the store for three items.  I drove up to the drive thru bank machine, and it was out of order.  Awesome.  Okay, I will use debit.  I go to store #1: they have all three of my items but glycerine soap was $4.99 per bar, washing powder was $9 for 2 Kilos, and borax was $11 for 1 Kilo.  Yikes!  I figured I could buy the borax elsewhere so I  bought the first two items in case I couldn't find them elsewhere.

I went to Walmart.  No borax.  Save on Foods.  No borax.  London Drugs.  NO BORAX!!!  I'm dragging a toddler by the arm as he whines and pulls and complains and carrying a baby and walking from store to store because they share a parking lot, but its a pretty large parking lot so my back hurts.  I swear Riley is going to pull my arm out of its socket one of these days.
However, I did find washing powder for $7 for 3 kilos and glycerine soap 3 bars for 2.87, so that was a plus.  It meant I had to drive back to the first store and return the items I bought there, and I still hadn't found the third item on my list.
Amarys shat through her clothes and decided she was STARVING OH SO STARVING FEED ME NOW OR I WILL DIE at 2 pm: exactly when i needed to leave downtown to make it to the older kids' school on time to pick them up.  GAH.  It had taken me three hours to buy two items.

I made it to school only a few minutes past the bell and weathered some other-mother glares.  Because obviously its a sign of neglect to pick your kid up five minutes late, although when I was a kid MY mother showed me the route home from school the first day of kindergarten and never walked me home again for the following 13 years of my school career [!!!!!!]
When we were loading into the van Amarys shat through her diaper [AGAIN!] so I laid her on the front passenger seat to change her, and suddenly Matthew shouted
And I realized that Riley had run into the street to climb in the van on the road side rather than the sidewalk side and OH MY GOSH he's so little and quiet and just decides something and slips away into the street.  Jeepers.  So I ran around the van faster than I've ever run in my life and lift him in with a reminder about street safety.  Then I realize, I just ran away and left Amarys on the front seat with the door wide open, what if she ROLLS OUT?!
Clearly, I cannot keep all four children safe all at the SAME TIME!

 Then I had to take all four kids to the grocery store (one last grocery store) looking for Borax, and then also a few items for dinner.  Four kids.  Grocery store.  OMG.
[Oh I used to be a feminist, a feminist, a feminist, Oh I used to be a feminist and now I'm the crazy mom in the grocery store with four kids and frizzy hair]

I found borax, though!  *Fist pump!*

I don't usually take the cashier up on her offer for help out to my car, but today I did.  When my back was turned Riley cheered,
Catch me, mommy!
I turned around and he was already in midair, leaping from the grocery cart seat to my arms.  His knee hit Amarys' head and she did the pause-pause-pause-gasp-pause-pause-SCREEEEEEEEAM that babies do when they are really hurt.
Four kids.  Grocery store.  OMG.

I got them all home, did all the work it takes to do homework and feed them snacks and police their behaviour while I make dinner, and by now I was REALLY looking forward to my dinner.  I made chicken satay and my favourite salad, which has three kinds of lettuce, endives, sliced pears, cranberries, toasted pecans, and blue cheese dressing.  It's a lot of work, for a salad, but it is SO worth it.  I turned around with the perfectly crafted salad in my hands, and I have no idea how, but the bowl slipped out of my hands and smashed onto the floor, mixing lavishly with the forty seven pounds of dog fur on my floor.  I cried.  I cried so loud and hard and disappointed that Riley got scared of me and ran off to hide in the bathroom while Ayden trailed after him yelling,

Riley, Riley, it's okay!  Mommy's not hurt, she's just sad about dropping the salad!

And about dropping the ball.
I couldn't make the salad again because I didn't have any more of the main ingredients.  I couldn't scoop the top off because it was littered so evenly on the floor.  I couldn't eat it off the floor because it was dirty.  I cut up some cucumber, carrot, and peppers and we ate that instead.  At least its veggies.

I think overriding all that happened today, all the mishaps and wasted time and dropped salads, was that from noon onwards my anxiety had me by the neck and was owning me.  I haven't been that anxious in a very long time, and it was pretty gross.  I'm done.  Fried.  Crispy like KFC.  I don't want to look at anyone, talk to anyone, smell anyone, nothing.

Here's to a better day tomorrow


Zoie @ TouchstoneZ said...

Your wonderful description had me right there with you, wanting to throw my arms around you in a big hug while laughing and sobbing in recognition and commiseration. I've had days like this, too, and totally get it.

Rowenna said...

You are still super mom and it still impresses me that you make meals that have multiple ingredients (even if they end up on the floor)!!!!!
You are also an insanely good writer :)
This is the first time I've commented and it is asking me to type 'swancal'...is that like cankles for birds?

melissa said...

thanks zoie!! dude, life eats us alive sometimes doesn't it?

Ro, thanks babe =D yes, swancals are all the rage in the bird kingdom these days...

Tonya said...

Oh, that day sucked. I've had more days like this than I care to think about. Today it was Josiah puking on the picnic bench at the park that did me in. He puked up bits of hot dog all over the bench. I tried to wash them away, but didn't have enough water. GROSS for anyone else who has to come to the park. I only hope some animal shows up tonight and eats it. GAG.

Rob-o-SE-yo said...

Sweet mercy, what a day!

Hang in there, Mel! I'm sorry you spilled your salad... take care of yourself.

Also: you're awesome.

Jonathan Erdman said...

I love you so much, and I'm so glad you're human, and this day sucks so much, and I'm so thankful you're willing to be all open and transparent and shit on your blog like this. You rock. It's a fact. XOXOXO.

Jonathan Erdman said...

P.S. That was Tamie signing in on Jon's account. :)

Caryn Ouwehand said...

Ugh... anxiety. It sucks so bad when a bad day becomes a HORRIBLE day because of it.

I hate the Beast.

Not that it is a cure all or that I am trying to give you any advice... but I just switched from Omega capsules to actually drinking (gag) the concentrated Omega oil (1 Tbsp) a day, and I have noticed a (slight) difference in 2 weeks in my anxiod issue...

Oh, but maybe that is just related to the fact that winter finally ended two week ago in alberta? I don't know.

Luv yaz!

Rachel Clear @ Clearly Speaking said...

Oh, girl. That sounds miserable. I don't even have much anxiety (any more) and I think a day like that would have left me hiding in a closet somewhere holding my knees and rocking back and forth.

p.s. The comment from "jon" was hilarious. I read it and thought, man, this does NOT sound like the Jon I know. But I was Tamie. And it did sound like her. Ha!

amy frances said...

I. Love. Your. Blog. Please publish. This shit is golden.

I do hope it got better. ✘❍❤

Jen said...

Holy crap, poor you! What a day! I hope the next day was much better.