Thursday, August 4, 2011

Tonight

Brent always works nights when things are happening around here.

Always.

To preface this story, I will say that I stayed up until 2 a.m. last night.  And got up at 8.  So I'm a bit tired.

There was some good stuff this evening.  I harvested seven zucchini from my garden and fried them up as zoosticks for dinner!  DEEEEEEElicious!  I also had the kids pick a bowl full of peas, which are now ripe, and some lettuce for the burgers.  I made hamburgers with fresh basil, parsley, and cilantro in them, as well as shallots: all from my garden!!  They were so yummy.  I also made homemade french fries and corn on the cob.  I'm amazing.  There was so much food my tummy was bursting and the kids couldn't even eat half the fries!  =)  And it was fantastic to pick the peas from the garden, eat them, and return the pods to the compost in our backyard.  Those peas didn't travel one inch by vehicle, and were as amazingly delicious as fresh peas always are.  And the zoosticks?  To die for.  Better than White Spot.  (the trick is to add grated parmesean cheese to the breadcrumbs before frying).

Of course this was a preparation intense meal, on a HOT August day in our humid climate, so by the time it was ready I was Grouchy Bear.  We sat outside to eat and literally got chased inside by wasps.  ARGH!  It was SO HOT inside because its summer but also because the oven and stove had been on for my fancy meal preparations.  There were over a dozen wasps hassling us though, so there was not really much chance of nobody getting stung, or anybody focusing on their food, or everyone not starting to cry.  Sweating inside really was the better alternative.

So after dinner the kids are screaming and chasing each other  sharing sweetly and devising ways to incorporate world peace with eradicating poverty while I do the dishes and sweat my ass off.  Between them, Matthew and Ayden remove Amarys' diaper, and she promptly poops everywhere.  She screams blue murder because her butt didn't agree with my mom's laundry detergent on her cloth diapers and she now sports a beet red rash that hurts when she poops, so I abandoned my dishes and my ass sweat (oh no, I took that with me) and gave her a special bath with apple cider vinegar to help soothe her bum.  While I was bathing her, my older kids were trying their darndest to kill each other, and Riley streaks past me yelling
ME HAF TO GO POOP ME HAF TO GO POOP MOMMY MOMMY HELP ME ME HAF TO GO POOP!

And it's running down his leg, plop, plop onto his feet and the bath mat and the bath toys and, and, and....
I wrestle off his shitty underwear and he slides onto the toilet backwards and the backs of his legs are covered in poop so now there is shit EVERYWHERE.  Toilet lid, seat, bowl, floor, me, him, the stool, and the wall.
O. M. G.
Baby still in the tub!  Crying because it stinks!  Older children still frantically attempting to establish WW III before mommy intervenes or the neighbours call the cops.  Sweat still pouring down my ass crack.

I so did not sign up for this.

This was not what I was envisioning when that nurse plunked Ayden in my arms after my cesarean eight years ago.
This was not what I bargained for when we flew to Thailand to scoop Matthew into our family.
This was not what I was aiming for with my first VBAC.
Nor my second.

And that, my friends, is parenthood.

[SIGN ME UP FOR THE VASECTOMY]

5 comments:

Rob-o-SE-yo said...

sign YOU up?

nancy said...

way too challenging a meal for single parent duty on a stinking hot day! Made my mouth water though
love you

amy frances said...

Again with the you being an awesome mom.

(Yes, I still read every word of every post. Hi!)

Rachel Clear @ Clearly Speaking said...

Hahaha! Sorry, friend.

But not laughing at you and with you isn't even an option. :)

Jen said...

how do i type me laughing me ass off? yeah i know, by doing that, I will be sure to experience the very same thing one day and a few kids later.

oh and i know ALL about the ass crack sweat. year round. ;-)

your meal sounds yummy! you ARE amazing!